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k700 · Power Member Joined: 27 Aug 2005 Posts: 146

The new Liverpool manager sent scouts out and around the world looking
for a new striker to replace Michael Owen and hopefully win Liverpool the
title.

One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks
will turn out to be a superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to
Baghdad
to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come
over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Manchester United with only
20 minutes left to play. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the
nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and
wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and
coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about
his first day in English football.

"Hello mum, guess what?" he say's. "I played for 20 minutes today. We
were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans,
the media, they all love me".

"Wonderful ", say's his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father
got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and
your brother has joined a gang of looters, all while you were having a
great time".

The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry".

"Sorry!" say's his mum, "It's your fault we all moved to Liverpool in
the first place".

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saver · Contributor Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 10

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, finally fed up with her husband shouts back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

Karthik · Contributor Joined: 28 Feb 2006 Posts: 15

That one was real cheeky!

toffee · Contributor Joined: 22 May 2006 Posts: 10

jane · Contributor Joined: 24 May 2006 Posts: 10

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $8.

"But I already paid you! Don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "if you said you paid, then I suppose you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer, and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "Okay, if you said you paid, then I suppose you did."

The customer then goes outside, sees a friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs. Some time later, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed that they had paid. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get his ass...."

The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

Mark · Site Admin Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 725

...the bartender says "wow, you must have had a rough day" The guy looks at the bartender and says "Yeah I just found out my older brother is gay" So the guy leaves...the next day...the same guy walks back into the bar and orders the same thing. Again the bartender says "wow must have another bad day" The guy says "Yeah, I just found out my younger brother is gay" So the guy leaves...So next day..same thing...The guy walks in orders the same thing. The bartender looks at the guy and says "Gosh man doesn't anybody in your family like women?!?!?" The guy says " Yeah, my wife."

bad wolf · Contributor Joined: 17 Jun 2006 Posts: 5

k700 · Power Member Joined: 27 Aug 2005 Posts: 146

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its
final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain.
We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for
flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay".
He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper,
watcha gonna do in Tampa?"
"Well, " says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the
hotel and take a big crap.... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess
with the huge tits out for dinner..... then I'm gonna wine and
dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night."
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins
looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane.
She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to
the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips
over an old lady's bag and down she goes.
The ! old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta
take a shit first!

jrpsystems · Just Registered Joined: 25 Jun 2006 Posts: 1

Interesting ?? Where is the Plane Landing? Embarassed

I guess I had one to many Embarassed

peterk · Posted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 4:52 pm Post subject:

Heres two short ones:

Police station toilet stolen: Cops have nothing to go on!

Quick-dry cement stolen: Police are looking for some hardened criminals.

Austin · Contributor Joined: 21 Aug 2006 Posts: 9